it just occurred to me you aren’t here. i just thought for a moment, i felt actually, after a day of being unable to feel anything. i felt that you should be here with me because i love you so. if you had said the things to me i had to you, i’d have been there. i wouldn’t have simply walked away scared. 

this led me to think maybe, just maybe, you are sordid. not me. maybe your insides are infested with grime and lies and disgusting motives. maybe the words you say are far from the truth. 

furthermore, maybe you don’t even realize you are this way.

there’s a lot of pie in my room, and empty kool aid bottles. i’ve had a great time. i’m starting a good-energy project; only being in my room when i’m happy, keeping the good energy in and the bad out.